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By Tanya Ortiz

MON MAY 17, 2021

The last four months have been a season of unfamiliar territory. I have felt lost in a riptide of emotion that I haven’t known how to navigate through. Everything from experiencing challenges with work to discerning how to navigate the back end of life for my furry companion- it has been emotionally exhausting and unraveling. When the current moves in this way my response is to lean on my practices in yoga to help me sail to the stormy waters with skill. And even in my deepest practice in the past weeks I have felt deafened by the silence of my own inner guidance. I’ve tried to listen more closely- but the whispers have been so soft that I’ve felt they aren’t even there. Truthfully, I felt abandoned by myself.

I trusted myself into this season of life, and what I reconciled to do in the weaning of my own heart ache, is continue to trust myself through. As this stage of life is coming to a close, I haven’t quite known what will be In store for me next. But what I do know is that with practice, patience and faith, the subtle whisper will return and reverberate guidance through me. Until I can usher that experience I have to relinquish any doubt that I am being redirected without reason, and instead steward with equal delicacy and courage that this new stage of life holds something uniquely crafted for me.

Looking into this transition, I can see how sometimes the Universe ask us to make a clear and concise decision to live into the possibilities of ourselves, our purpose, turn towards the direction of your dharma; and other times it ask us to trust in the redirection and turning of our dharma into somewhere that’s maybe out of reach within the scope of our own sense perception but much within the need for the development of our growth. Both take a radical amount of courage and heart to be willing to receive what life has to offer. In this practice life doesn’t promise to be easy. But it does promise to be relentlessly beautiful as we give way to ourselves becoming both the instrument and the crafter of the tapestry of our lives.

Stepping into this week I feel a sense of sadness and a sense of rebirthing. Like bringing any new life into form, an amount of simultaneous contraction and expansion is necessary to midwife creation into form. I take solace in knowing that I don’t know how this next season will unfold, and in that is an existence of endless possibilities to be open to.